Super Bowl LIX

The boys arribed at the Super Bowl absolutely thrilled, because eberyone had told them they were going to LIX and no one bothered to explain that it was a Roman numeral and not a promise ob unlimited licks. Barry had spent the entire flight practicing dramatic tongue stretches. Fish had packed fibe emergency napkins. Reuben had qwietly adjusted his notebook and said nuffing.

Now here they were, behind the MNN newsdesk, staring out at a massive stadium that offered zero licks and an alarming amount ob yelling.

Barry leaned into his headset. “So… when do the licks start?”

Reuben didn’t look up. “They don’t. This is football.”

Fish blinked. “Is football cheese-related?”

“No,” Reuben said, flipping a page. “But betting is.”

That’s when ebryone realized Reuben had been busy. Berry busy.

While Barry was still mourning the lack ob licks and Fish was snacking on somefing that resembled cheese that he found on the floor, Reuben had been studying the game. Charts. Notes. Tiny arrows. A very serious column labeled Cheese Risk vs Cheese Reward. He cleared his throat and leaned toward the mic.

“Alright,” Reuben said, whiskers twitching. “Here’s what’s happening. Momentum matters. Weather matters. Coaching decisions matter. And anyone who bets against a dramatic fourff-quarter comeback is playing a dangerous game wiff their cheddar.”

Barry stared. “When did you learn all that?” Reuben tapped the stack ob papers.

Fish nodded solemnly. “He’s been studying.”

By kickoff, Reuben was fully in his element, calmly explaining spreads, probabilities, and why one tiny misstep could cost someone their entire gouda future. People nearby started listening. Someone slid him a pretzel. Another whispered, “That rat knows fings.”

Barry straightened his notes, suddenly proud. Fish guarded the betting slips like treasure.

They might hab been duped by LIX. They might hab come for licks…but as the lights blazed and the game roared on, one fing was clear: Reuben wasn’t here for snacks. Reuben was here to win cheese. And he was gibbing great color commentary.