Augie wiff the News

Hello.  Dis Augie wiff the news.  I only want to talk about the good news, so dis will be short.  Keep washing your hands and stay safe from this birus. It’s berry serious.  But let’s talk about snacks. We are in a stay at home order here – which doesn’t change much for us, we usually do.  There are more snacks around and so far habn’t been any shortages on our faborites except that one time they didn’t hab the original Milanos and mom tried to gib us another kind.  But mostly it’s been ok.  I see some ob you out there playing fast and loose wiff raisins. It’s not against the law or anyfing, but don’t say we didn’t warn you and if you get yourself into a raisin horror story, well, we can’t help you.

I hab to go to a meeting now, it’s a secret order ob somefing, but I can’t say it on the air.  Don’t worry it’s not a big group or anyfing so it doesn’t break any rules.

Stay Home. Wash Your Hands!  Hab snacks.  Good night and good luck.  Augie out…

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Augie Hates Brocolli

Augie agrees with Dexter – brocolli sucks and has no place in his house!  It’s terrible!!

Who is Dexter?? If you don’t know, you can find his bideo here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTVs_t7hvbU

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Monday

It’s Monday again.  We hab been in our sock since last Wednesday for the most part.  We just come out for snacks, to stretch, and to hab pee breaks, otherwise we stay comfy in here and take naps and watch teebee.   Sometimes we call out for snack deliberies!


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First Day ob Spring

Well, it’s pretty weird out there, but it’s the first day ob spring, so we got dat going for us…

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News is Exhausting

A rare behind-the-scenes peek at MNN…

Is it ober yet? No? Can I go home and rest? Dis Coronabirus news just keeps going and going and the news just keeps on coming.  It’s exhausting!  How is eberybody out there holding up?  Do you hab enuff toilet paper and original Milanos??

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Milano Imposter

Dis MM. The other day I went to the store and the shelves were pretty picked ober. They were out of original Milano’s. I had to get a different kind. This is what happened….

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I am a Leprechaun

Ummmm…’scuse me.  No one is following the proper social distancing protocols and eberyone is trying to kiss me!! Too many people wiff  kisses! It was a little scary, so I had to hide in my spa.

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TIME FOR A FUN CONTEST!!

While we are all mostly and home and hiding from the birus, grab your bideo camera… it’s time for a contest!  Make a bideo of yourself washing your hands and singing the Washy-Wash song and send it to us!   We might make a bideo wiff all the entries, so by sending it you gib us permission to do it – and a secret jury ob 3 (not us) will determine a winner dat will win a mini belbet PILLOW ob Me, Augie or Cosmo!

So warm up your bocal chords and let’s hab some fun!!  You hab until Friday to submit your bideo.  Just do it – it will be fun to see them all.  Points for creatibity.   We know you can do it!!

 

 

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Morning News wiff Bean Bluster

Good Morning.  Dis is King Bean wiff the news.  Coronabirus fears are sweeping the nashun, causing a run on toilet paper and non-perishable foods.

Fings are getting weird. One report from Woodland Hills showed a bag ob frozen peas being thrown at someone in order to score a cheese burrito. Eberybody…please try to pull it together and be calm and nice to each other!  There are plenty ob burritos for eberyone.

During dis time ob uncertainty and caushun, it’s berry important to keep washing your hands, almost all the time.  You are supposed to wash them for at least 20 seconds and sing a song while you do it.  We thought you might be getting tired ob the song you are currently singing, so we made a new one for you.  It’s 40 seconds long so you can be sure to get all the germs and biruses off!

Augie, please roll the bideo…. (lyrics below)

Ok!  Here it is…

It’s WASHY-wash, not WISHY-wash
That’s the way you do it!
WASHY-wash, not WISHY-wash
Together, we’ll get fru it!

Grab some soap and use hot water
Let’s all play along!
Washing hands is lots ob fun
‘Cause you can sing dis song!

It’s WASHY-wash, not WISHY-wash
That’s the way you do it!
WASHY-wash, not WISHY-wash
Together, we’ll get fru it!

Twenty seconds ain’t so long
Be sure scrub boff sides
Palms and fingeys, don’t stop there
Tummy buttons, tails!
 
It’s WASHY-wash, not WISHY-wash
We know you can do it!
WASHY-wash, not WISHY-wash
Coronabirus—screw it!

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Baffroom Poetry wiff Cosmo – Toilet Paper Shortage

dis is Cosmo from Heaben wiff a speshul edishun ob Baffroom Poetry for you…

We all know dat feeling, you get that tingle,
Its the time ob the day you need to go tinkle.
A good baffroom experience is all you need
First fing each day, its a good time to read.

You want some toilet paper
To wipe your bum and stay clean
But where has it gone?
These are the emptiest shelbes I’ve eber seen!

There is none at the grocery and none at store
This has never happened before!
You look near and far – but so far, alas
There is nuffing in sight to wipe off …. the splash.   – Cosmo
P.S.  Eberyone up here says hai!  We miss you all, but we hab plenty ob peepee paper!!
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