Since I haven’t heard from the boys and their phone is going straight to boicemail, I contacted NineElebenty to see if they could use their super high tech gadget to help me find them. Just after midnight I got a call from Officer Yogi (no, seriously…what are the odds!?) ob the NineElebenty Squad and he informed me that one ob their traffic cams caught Chip on his motorcycle. The other boys weren’t seen, but I’m sure they are all close by! I’m relieved, but I wish they would come home. They don’t hab the best sense ob directshuns and if their phone is dead, GPS can’t help them.
Oh hai, dis Bert. Happy Ice Cream Day!
We hab to show you pictures ob Cosmo, Augie and King Bean today because we do not hab any ice cream. I hab been told it’s not a trabesty, howeber it does feel like one. I wrote a little poem about it.
I was going to tell you about my announcement again, but then mom came in wiff brownies she made from scratch, and I forgot what I was going to say, because eben though we only got a tiny taste ob the brownie, it was so exciting and yummy. Brownie residoo is the best! We lubbed it alot, and each ob us got a little bite because mom is fair and makes sure we each an equal piece, cause thats only right, if someone got a bigger piece they might be upset and she doesn’t want that to happen. But she always eats the biggest piece which isn’t really fair, but I guess she is bigger than us, and she did make them, so I’m just glad she is willing to share wiff us. Sharing is really important and one ob the fings you should always do, cuz it’s nice.
Hai eberyone. I meant to gib you an announcement yesterday and I kind ob got sidetracked. I hate it when that happens, when sometimes your brain just takes a right turn and you start finking about somefing else. It’s a good fing because it means all your neurons and atoms in your brain are working good, so I suppose it means you hab a healfy brain. Don’t mind Chip back there, he’s just cleaning his balls. Sometimes you hab to do it. It’s best not to do it on camera, I don’t fink he knew I was doing this right now. Oh well, sorry Chip, I didn’t mean to inbade your pribacy. Sometimes when we are doing stuff mom comes in to bug us, but sometimes she has food, which is ok. I don’t mind getting interuppted for snacks, eben if it’s the most fun play time. Hab you eber had a playtime at McDonalds in the ball pit? I don’t fink that could possibly be sanitary. All those tiny humans slobering on the balls and they might pee on them too. I know I would. Gross.
Yeah, you should probably steer clear of ball pits at chain restaurants.
Hai you guys, I hab a berry important announcement to make. I was going to type it on the keyboard, but I fink it’s better if I just say it. What do you fink? Is that easier for you? Or would you prefer it be typed out so you can go back and refer to it later? I know some people like it one way, and some people like it the other way. People are funny like that. It’s probably a good fing, because if eberybody was all the same then the world would be really boring. We need people to be different and like different ways ob doing fings, it keeps fings spicy. I personally don’t like spicy foods. Well, I’ve never had any, but I’ve heard about them and I don’t fink I would like it. Mom says it says make your tummy hurt, and nobody wants that. I made my tummy hurt once by eating too many peas, and eber since then I try to keep my eyes the size ob my stomach. Sometimes it’s really hard, because food is really tasty and you neber know when you will get some more. Not that I’m complaining, I hab safe and comfy places to sleep, I go to bizness school and food does always seem to show up, unlike all the poor wild rats out there in the world who neber know where their next meal or warm bed is coming from. First world problems I guess, I mean a tummy ache from too many peas is nuffin to complain about. Fink about the all the fings you are lucky to hab, like a rope ladder and big comfy sleeping tube. Did you know sometimes when you hab hearing problems, they can put tubes in your ears and you can hear better. I fink that’s pretty crazy.
Ok then. See you….
THESE LASTE TWO NOT ABAILABLE FOR AUCTSHUN: PRIBATE COLLECTSHUN
Oh hai, its me, Bert. Fanks eberybody for making me feel so good about my fur. All the compliments were great – you guys are the best. Mom always tells me how beautiful it is, but I felt like I just looked messy sometimes. You all made me feel so good, I don’t eben need a sock today! Just dis yogie…and maybe another one…or two.